「Ah…good morning, Minaho-neesan」 「Good morning…show me your face」
Minaho-neesan stares at my face
「…What?」 「…Looks like there’s no problem」
「You seem stable. Should I say as expected of Nagisa-chan?…Mao-chan too of course」
「Little girls cures all sorts of diseases after all」1
Err… I won’t deny it. If Mao-chan tells me『Do your best』after running a full marathon, I feel like I can go for another 42.195km more.
「You…do you not know how much danger you were in?」
Minaho-neesan speaks to me holding both of my shoulders.
「…Danger?」 「That’s what Margo was afraid of!」
What is she afraid of? It’s not that I’m…
「Margo has always been worried about the danger that you would become a man who’s not hesitating to hurt and kill people」 「…Me?」 「Humans get numb on a sensation when they get used to it. That includes people’s death」 「…Okay」 「Not hesitating to use violence in order to protect the family…it might be unavoidable but it will be strange if you get too used to the violence. Using violence on people for just a trivial thing…feeling easy to kill people…」 「There’s a lot of them in my line of work. Guys who lose their brakes. Those guys can’t be worked with. They dispose people with some reason. Just being with them is dangerous」
「It was expecially dangerous for you…since the situation is too special」
…The situation is too special?
「If you didn’t shoot Cesario Viola in that timing…nearly half of the people on that floor would be dead. Therefore, you were right to kill him. That’s situation 1」
「In the first place, Cesario Viola is Nei’s enemy, he’s a real scum that nobody would complain whoever kills him. Therefore, it shouldn’t matter that you killed him. That’s situation 2」
「And, that place was an insane and chaotic space. Just before that, Kouzuki gramps requested for a murder and Cordelia killed a man. In spite of that, Gramps and Cordelia don’t seem to be judged by the court of Japan. The outlaws of the underground society and the owner of an extreme power are together…it was a place where crimes are overlooked. Thus, in order to save people, you killed Viola…you shall not be judged. That’s situation 3」
Being told once again…that’s true.
「A normal human would justify their actions with the reasons I gave. Telling oneself that it’s not wrong to kill Viola. But…the head only works towards justification, the heart doesn’t」
「A murderer is a murderer. Taking away a person’s life…causes a physiological rejection in regards to the blood squirting out. That’s for normal humans…」
Normal humans. True, when I shot a bullet to Viola…when I saw the red blood… …I felt horrified. …Scared.
「Let me tell you again…that one was a truly special situation. You taking a mental shock in regards to killing a person is natural as a human being but…it’s possible that the situation would cancel the shock」
「For example, someone says…『This can’t be helped so you didn’t do anything wrong』defending your murder. 『It’s Viola so it’s fine to kill him』, or『Since this hotel is extraterritorial, there’s no problem』…while being talked as such, you’ll also think『that might be』 You feel your heart is saved. But, as a result…you forget self-justification, guilt…the face that you killed a person will become light inside you」
「The memory of killing a person to protect the『family』will be memorized in your head…the disgust and shock your heart felt that time would be forgotten. The, what do you think will happen?…」
Kyouko-san keeps talking as she observe my reaction.
「Next time you get in trouble…you’ll become a person who uses more violence than necessary. You try to solve problems with violence, and your brakes won’t work anymore…」 「You’ll lose the fear of hurting people」
There’s a possibility of becoming a violent person…
「You were lucky back then…Yukino-san was there. She’s a girl who screams around her emotions when her head’s nervous, not even reading the atmosphere…
Minaho-neesan looks at Yukino.
「What’s with that. It’s as if you’re making a fool of me!」
「She’s got no awareness so she’s the real deal…!」
Kyouko-san said looking amazed.
「If you’re a person with a bit of kindness to others…then you can’t say those horrible things on the spot. The situation back then was hopelessly dangerous…it was an unusual world. Yukino-san who brings the common sense of the everyday world and screams out her emotions is the clear madman. She’s a lass whose ego is beyond saving…but it was fortunate that she threw her daily world’s common sense to you…」
「Somehow, it feels like I’m being told that I’m messed up though…」
Kyouko-san and Minaho-neesan ignores Yukino.
「As a result…you were brought back to the everyday world. 『I must not kill people, and it’s horrible to hurt people』was the priority inside your head」 「Therefore, you didn’t overstep the line」
「Illegal…the outlaw world shouldn’t be taken for granted. Just like me」
Kyouko-san laughs sadly
「But, I…am a member of『Kuromori』, a criminal organization. I already belong to this side」 「You belong to a criminal organization but…staying on which side of the line is another thing. You’re still on the side of ordinary people. You still have the common sense in you」 「…Common sense? What’s common sense? Is that important?」
「Asking that question means that you’re really a foolish girl who grew up spoiled. Well fine. Let me tell you」
Kyouko-san said while smiling wryly
「Humans are a group creature. Creatures that can’t survive without making a『group』called『society』 And yet, it’s a creature where each one has a will」
I’ve heard about this before.
「『Society』as a『group』…always look for optimal conditions and changing. At the same time, the『individual』always aim for the optimal situation. This is usually called『the pursuit of happiness』 However, there are many cases where the optimization as an individual and as society confront each other. I think it’s easy to understand when you compare it to companies…for the company『group』, its easier to reduce the personnel expenses and yet…the『individual』which is the employee wants to raise the salary even a bit…or something like that」
「The group and individual aren’t always conflicting but…there’s always parts where the optimization is incompatible. However, in case of humans, the individuals can’t continue to survive unless they organize as a group and the society isn’t allowed to crush an individual as long as the individual is in the society. That’s why a compromise is needed」
「Therefore, in order for the society and individual to coexist…the group has to endure. This is a fine rule that the individual must endure. This is『common sense』 In each group…it’s decided within the relationship of the group and individual. Therefore,『common sense』isn’t always constant. It changes according to the group」 「But, things like you shouldn’t kill, you shouldn’t steal…those common sense is universal isn’t it?」
「Well of course. That’s because the『common sense』comes from the fundamental『living instinct』of humans. If you can’t keep that strange common sense, it’s impossible for the group to be organized you know?」
True…if a murderer or a thief lives unregulated, you can’t condition the society.
「Now then, any kind of animal group will always produce a stray. You know the talk about some percent of worker ants don’t work at all? It’s prepared to respond to sudden changes in the social environment. It’s the『fluctuation』 In Saruyama2, the『stray』is always chased out every year. The alpha male of the boss monopolizes the females and drives out the young males out of the herd. Both of those grow stronger outside the herd, then beat the old boss and take over the herd. The『stray』is an absolute necessity in the group」
「In human society…us『outsiders』play that role. Because we’re deviated from the social common sense, we can directly cut off the affected part of the society directly…」 「A crime is a crime! You’re just self-justifying your crimes!」
Yukino snarls at Kyouko-san…
「Well, if you look at it with eyes of common sense…」
「What I’m trying to say is…either way, the common sense of the world is bigger, and it has a base. The world of outsiders is a world where common sense is not necessary…thus only『outsiders』can survive. Ah, the『outsiders』in this case isn’t just outlaws and criminal organization. Even powerful people like Kouzuki house are『outsiders』because they deviate from the world of common sense.
Minaho-neesan looks at me with kind eyes…
「You can just stay in the world of common sense. No…please stay there. And if we step off the right track, or lose what’s important, tell us」
「We’ve already crossed the line after al」
Then…she looks at Megu and Mana.
「You two, stay with him. By looking at you young ones…we won’t be drowning in the world of insane…」
「…Minaho-neesan, I’ve already…」
I’ve killed Cesario Viola.
「I can no longer turn back」
「…Did you kill Cesario Viola because of hate?」
「You didn’t, did you? You tried to save everyone…and as a result you killed him」 「…Yeah」 「I won’t say it’s an accident…I know it’s hard for you. But, it’s not that you wanted to do it, do you?」 「…Yeah」
Minaho-neesan hugs me.
「…I will carry that burden with you for the rest of my life」 「…Minaho-neesan」
The emotions overflow from the inside…
「…I’m here with you」
Nagisa hugs me from behind.
「Me too…Yoshi-kun」 「…Onii-chan」
Megu and Mana cuddles with me.
「Yoshida-kun! Get well!」
「…I」 「You can cry if it’s painful. Cry a lot…」
Minaho-neesan tells me.
「We’ll drink all of your tears…」
At that moment… My tears overflow. The emotions I’ve piled up explodes inside me.
I can’t speak but groan. My body trembles.
「Geez…you still have this much accumulated!」
Nagisa scoops my tears with her tongue.
Megu and Mana licks my face. I… I lost my voice. Just…tears falling down.
「Don’t worry. We’ll never leave you…never」
Minaho-neesan said…and licks my tears.
「Mao too, I want to lick!」 「Okay, sure」
Nagisa carries Mao-chan
Mao-chan’s small tongue licks my tears.
「It’s salty! Yoshida-kun!」
◇ ◇ ◇
Kyouko-san asks me laughing
I’m finally able to speak.
「You seem to have《overcome》it」 「Over-cam?」 「In Japanese…it’s getting over it3?」
「As long as you live…you’ll experience a lot of things. Even painful, sad, or traumatic experiences too. But, confront it, accept it, understand it, make it your experience…and unless you overcome it properly, the experience will remain as an obstacle in your heart. If you don’t go through the process of experiencing your experiences, you can’t digest any memories…」
I wonder if I overcame Viola.
「Yeah…that’s right. In this boy’s case…it’s better for you to digest the downside in your heart completely. Before meeting Nei…」
Kyouko-san looks at Minaho-neesan.
「I’m a little rough you see…I can’t win against Minaho’s tenderness」 「Kyouko-san is delicate enough」
「It’s just that Kyouko-san is always thinking from the『outsider』perspective…」 「I’m trapped in that thought you see. I thought that having him meet Nei while having a bomb in his heart is good for both of them, just like shock therapy. That’s a battlefield mentality. True…」 「For now, it’s better to take time and choose a reliable method」 「Yeah…Minaho’s calmness is right」
「Yoshi-kun…no matter what happens, I like Yoshi-kun. That feeling won’t change…」 「Mana too」
Megu and Mana clings to me.
「But, I…Cesaio Viola…」
I’m a murderer…
「I…pulled the trigger with Yoshi-kun Therefore, Yoshi-kun’s pain is mine as well」
「Yeah, Mana…will take Onii-chan’s pain together
「I was told by Minaho-san…show a usual face until Yoshi-kun lets out his emotions properly…」 「Therefore, Megu-oneechan has been holding back until now」
…Does that mean?
「If these girls said at first『you did nothing wrong』your heart would be confused, won’t it? Therefore I didn’t let them touch about Viola first」
…Yeah If the two defended me killing Viola as soon as we see each other… I think I would’ve closed my heart. 『Wrong. That’s not it. It’s my fault…!』like that.
「By the way, why aren’t you clinging to him?」
Kyouko-san asks Yukino. Yukino goes aloof…
「Haa?! Why me?!」 「Don’t you also《LOVE》this guy?」 「There’s no way that’s true!」
「In truth…I hate it that Yukino’s here」
「Me too, desu」
「But, I thought that Yoshi-kun would be glad if Yukino is here when he enters the room…so I held back」 「Me too, desu」 「What are you saying! I came here by my own will!」
「As expected, let’s throw her out the window」
As usual, Mana’s cruel with her sister
「Well, don’t say that…we’re having breakfast soon you know?」 「Tell Katsuko-san that Yukino-san doesn’t need her share」
Hey hey, Mana
「Instead of that…both of you go and help Katsuko-nee」 「Yeah…you’re right, Yoshi-kun. I was worried about Yoshi-kun so we came to this room」 「True. Katsuko-san said『Go on, I’ll be fine』」
「Katsuko believes that you’ll be fine if left to Nagisa. She’ll heal you」
「Misuzu-san is also so mature」
「…Misuzu?」 「Yup. 『If it’s Danna-sama, he’ll definitely recover. Misuzu knows it』…she said」 「She’s worried about Ruriko-san right now…so she said that she wants to be by their side」
「Michi-chan too…『I have to guard Misuzu-sama, and I’ll just accept Master’s scolding later』she said」 「She said『I have a clear Idea what master needs from me right now』…」
True…if Michi guards Misuzu, I can feel relieved. Did Michi move ahead knowing my feelings?
「Both of them are amazing. Yet, we’re just moving around…waiting for Yoshi-kun to become well」 「Me too, desu…」
Megu and Mana’s face turn gloomy.
「It’s fine. It’s fine for people who are not in hurry to be absent minded. It’s fine to take it easy. Japanese are always too ahead on『doing something』」
「Anyway, go help out Katsuko-nee. Okay?…I’m going to Nei-san」 「Okay」 「Sure, Onii-chan」
Megu and Mana head to the kitchen.
「Then…how’s Nei-san doing?」
I asked, Minaho-neesan…
「Well you see…」
Minaho-neesan hesitates to speak… Did something serious happen? Kyouko-san answers instead.
「To make it short…she returned to Yasuko.」
…Yasuko? Not Natou Nei… But Najima Yasuko…???
1. Except pedophilia ↩ 2. hill in a monkey enclosure at a zoo ↩ 3. By Bennet Foddy ↩