Chapter 790. You’re not the only lonely one
Nei says while playing with the transforming robot toy.
「 I guess it’s impossible for me. I can’t be the big sister, but only a little sister Minaho-oneechan and Margo-oneechan protects, can I?
I embrace Nei’s shoulder.
「 Really? I think that you’re doing well 」
「 Yo-chan? 」
「 You call me “Kei-chan” when we’re alone, right? Onee-chan 」
Nei calls me Kei-chan.
I call Nei, “Onee-san.”
That’s the rule when we’re alone.
「 Yeah 」
I need Nei to return to her Yasuko mind for this.
Her naked mind.
「 But you see, Kei-chan says that but, I’m different. I can’t. It doesn’t work at all. I mean, I don’t have the “everyone’s big sister” image now. I know very well that this can’t go on! 」
Nei speaks out her true feelings.
「 I wanted to be the reliable big-sister who stands in front, pulling the little sisters out, resolving the problems of everyone with a smile. But, look at what I did 」
Nei returns the robot toy she played with on the shelf.
「 I was acting bossy and looking like an observer with Tsukiko-san, leaving everything to everyone, and I didn’t do anything to help 」
「 Also, later, Mii-chan and I would be holding each other back from making conspiracies, but, with Kana-chan, she’s a good girl, and so it will go well with her… 」
「 But, it’s not working well for me. Nothing goes well at all 」
Haaaa, she sighed loudly.
Her eyes are filled with tears.
「 Then, then, then, now I’m complaining all about it to Kei-chan, I’m such a failure 」
I kiss Nei on the cheeks.
「 I don’t think Onee-chan’s a failure or anything like that 」
I smiled at Nei.
「 Onee-chan, you’re my big sis. There’s no failure for that. Just having Onee-chan by my side like this is happiness to me 」
「 But, Kei-chan 」
I hold Nei’s hand.
I grind my thumb around the middle of her palm.
「 W-What? 」
「 Nothing, just a massage. I heard that you can improve the blood circulation using this 」
I gently massage Nei’s hand.
「 Look, don’t reflect on what you couldn’t do but concentrate on what you can do instead 」
「 Huh? 」
I give Nei’s fingers shiatsu.
「 Misuzu exposed her true feelings earlier when there are people around, right? 」
She confessed that she wants herself to be a special existence to me.
She asks to have sex with me.
And so, I’ve embraced Misuzu in front of Katsuko-nee, Ruriko, Edie, and Nei.
「 But, Onee-chan held back. You actually want to scream just as loud as Misuzu, don’t you? I know 」
Nei should’ve asked for sex with me in that place too.
「 T-That’s, well… 」
Nei speaks bashfully
「 Mii-chan made her grand confession like that before I could. I couldn’t do anything but watch her over like an understanding big sister 」
「 Yeah, and you did it well 」
I grasp her hand tightly.
「 You let Misuzu have her turn and back off like an elder sister. That’s cool, I don’t think anyone could hold back that much unless they’re big sisters 」
My women are honest with their desires.
「 If Misuzu were on the reverse situation, she’d think that if she doesn’t have sex with me there, then it’s not fair, that she’s got no place, that she lost, and so she’d do anything to join in 」
Nei’s not like that.
Back then, it was Edie’s time.
Edie let Ruriko join her, then…
Misuzu’s unable to just watch me have sex with those two.
And so she also pleaded to have sex with me.
I…No, Edie and all the girls in the room allowed Misuzu’s request, and so I had sex with her.
「 Misuzu’s unable to hold back, but Onee-chan did. Furthermore, you were able to suppress it that you were smiling while talking to Misuzu and the girls 」
「 T-That’s 」
Nei looked down on the hand I’m grasping.
「 I was just trying to show off. I wanted to be big sis-like, even for a bit. It was nothing but a play. An act. After all, I also want your embrace! I wanted to have sex! I wanted to shout back that I’m the one who loves Kei-chan the most! Right in front of them 」
「 I mean, I mean! I mean! I’m number one! I love Kei-chan the most! I love you more than anyone does in this world! I won’t lose! I’m the one who loves Kei-chan the most!!! 」
She takes my hand.
Then, Nei kisses it again and again.
The back of my hand, my fingers.
「 Sorry. I must be heavy. I know that I’m crazy. I love Kei-chan so much that it’s making me insane 」
Nei’s tears flow to my hand.
「 I thought that it might hurt Kei-chan if I continue this 」
I see now.
「 And that’s why you were taking distance from me for the past few days? 」
She didn’t get involved with the Takakura case more than the surface.
She laid the groundwork to sacrifice Kana-senpai to me.
「 Going to the US with Margo-neesan is also a part of it? 」
「 No. I sure want to go with Margo-oneechan to the US and support her. I’ve got a lot of regrets remaining in the US after all 」
To Nei, the US is the place where her parents and brother died and where she was imprisoned.
「 I understand Margo-oneechan’s thoughts of taking revenge on the US 」
「 I see. Then that’s okay 」
But, it was me who urged Margo-oneechan to hurry and carry out her plans 」
Nei looked at my face.
「 In the end, I think that if I continue to stick with Kei-chan, I’ll cause troubles not just with Kei-chan but with everyone 」
「 Onee-chan 」
I lick off Nei’s tears.
It’s salty and slightly bitter.
Her tears taste the same.
「 If you go away with that reason, it’ll only trouble me 」
「 But 」
「 But I’m going crazy! Insane! 」
「 Yeah. You’re right, but I don’t mind it at all 」
「 After all, I’m also crazy. Crazy for you 」
「 Kei-chan? 」
「 Onee-chan, we’re both crazy. Mad. That’s why Onee-chan doesn’t mind no matter how much trouble I bring. I will also cause as many problems to Onee-chan. Isn’t that what being siblings is like? 」
「 I’ve discovered a lot this time. One of them is that people will always be influenced by the environment they grew up in 」
Nei listens to my story.
「 For example, Yukino’s raised in a house where her parents curse at each other, and so she thinks that throwing insults at me is a proof of her affection 」
That’s her expression of love.
「 But, Mana’s raised by her relatives in Shizouka, she thinks that the relationship of her parents is embarrassing. She’s able to compare it to the people close to her 」
And that is Yukino and Mana’s difference.
「 Megu’s raised in Yamamine house, where the couple helps each other out, or so she thought. Actually, it’s the husband refrained from his wife. She feels that it’s natural, and so… 」
Megu believes that I should make a compromise for her.
「 Earlier, Misuzu shouted all her emotions, the reason or that is Misuzu’s always lived in a place where people look at her. Therefore, she doesn’t resist making that confession while everyone’s watching her 」
Instead, she wants people to know her thoughts.
「 I’m envious of her. Mii-chan thinks that she stands on top and can move a mass of people. She’s got both the cuteness and charisma 」
「 Misuzu’s also envious of Onee-chan. I’m sure of it 」
「 W-What? 」
「 Onee-chan’s not a captive of common sense, you’re free 」
I said. Nei’s face turns cloudy.
「 I’m not free at all 」
「 But Misuzu sees it that way. Onee-chan, you don’t have the burden of Kouzuki house behind your back after all 」
Misuzu’s to inherit the control over an old wealthy family.
「 Well, anyway, since our family is a gathering of people like this, each one has their past, and is influenced by the way they lived before 」
「 Minaho-neesan and the others can’t forget their past as prostitutes no matter what. Margo-neesan had her harsh history, and so she’s like that now. Agnes also has the teachings about sex from Shirasaka Sousuke 」
Agnes watched Shirasaka Sousuke’s sex videos every day and is instructed to masturbate to prepare for the day where she offers her virginity to him.
She’s forced with that upbringing for years…
Even now, Agnes’ life is centered on sex.
I think that outgrowing that thought of hers would be hard to do.
「 Indeed. If Agnes can’t have sex with Kei-chan anymore, she’d break. I mean, it’s great that Kei-chan became Agnes’ Papa 」
「 Why? 」
「 If Agnes were to have sex with anyone other than Kei-chan, she’d only drown in sex and become a girl who’ll let any man have sex with her 」
「 Shirasaka Sousuke developed Agnes sexually but, it was Kei-chan who created a bond and relationship with Agnes, right? Agnes will not have sex with anyone but Kei-chan. She doesn’t trust any other man but Kei-chan in this world 」
I’m the only man in this family, after all.
「 If ever Shirasaka Sousuke raped Agnes as he planned, the results would be fearsome. Either way, that man would immediately lose to Agnes after taking her virginity and let her become a prostitute 」
Once Agnes becomes a prostitute.
「 She knows nothing but sex. She doesn’t care about love or anything like that. She’ll become a sex-machine. If things went that way 」
「 Yeah, I get what Kei-chan’s trying to say 」
「 Everyone’s influenced by their past. You can’t run away from it. If that’s the case, I… 」
Nei holds my hand tight.
「 Oh, in the end, my personality took form when Cesario Viola had me imprisoned. Viola and his sister are both criminals who come and go in that residence, and to not let them read my thoughts, I… 」
Najima Yasuko created Natou Nei when…
It was during the time when Viola confined her.
「 Viola’s a true sadist, and he’s pleased to watch my face when he torments Kei-chan, and I shout “Stop it already” 」
That Kei-chan isn’t me.
It’s Nei’s late twin brother.
Kei-san died protecting his big sister.
「 It’s all for me, because of me… I’m the big sister and yet I couldn’t save Kei-chan 」
I hug Nei’s trembling body tightly.
「 Onee-chan, I’m here now. Look, I’m hugging you now 」
「 !!! 」
「 But, I couldn’t become a big sister at all. I can’t! I’m the big sister, and yet!!!! 」
The intense emotions from deep inside gush out.
「 I’m telling you it’s okay, don’t rush it. Don’t hurry. You’ll always be my Onee-chan 」
「 I-I! 」
「 Just take it slowly! Move forward! You don’t need to become the “ideal big sister” right away 」
「 Kei-chan 」
I hug Nei with both arms.
「 Onee-chan, you’re too smart, and that’s why you look at the results right away. You analyze what you did wrong and get down from it! You panic too much, you hurry too much! You can’t become your ideal self right away like that! 」
「 But, I don’t like how I am now! 」
「 That’s why you’ve got to face your self and fix it over time! 」
「 But, Kei-chan will hate me if I take it too slowly! That’s what I don’t want to happen!! I’m scared that Kei-chan will hate me!!! 」
I kissed Nei in the lips.
「 Nnnn, mumumuuu?! 」
Nei’s surprised with the sudden kiss, but,
Nei accepts my lips after settling down.
「 Hauuuu 」
Our lips separate.
Then, Nei looks at me with passionate eyes.
「 There is no way in the world I would hate you 」
「 Yeah 」
「 I love Onee-chan after all 」
「 Me too, I love you!!! 」
This time, Nei’s the one who kissed me.
◇ ◇ ◇
「 I see, I get it now 」
We lie down on the library floor and embrace each other.
Kissing each other again and again.
「 I’m sure that it’s the same with the robot toy 」
「 What is? 」
Nei looks up at the toys she placed in the bookshelves earlier.
「 They could transform into cars or gemstones, but all of them converted back to robot. The robot toys are the same 」
I don’t get it.
「 In the end, they first think that children will be playing with it. They make sure that it won’t break from simple shifting, and the toy won’t cut any fingers either 」
「 They’re toys after all 」
They won’t be selling toys that can injure children.
「 You can play with it with a peace of mind, and it’s fun, that way of thinking isn’t bad. Well, it’s business, so they think of profits and usability, but in the end, the creation of it comes from kindness 」
「 Oh, I see. It’s not just about the toys. Most of the goods, tools, instruments in this world are friendly to people. They think about the buyer who’ll use it. The maker fills the item with their love 」
「 Yeah. If it’s something half-baked, then nobody would buy it 」
「 That’s right, objects in this world are friendly. That’s the basics. And people who deceive or torment others are less, I think 」
Nei, who suffered from horrible people, said and rubs her cheeks on my arm.
「 I was scared of evil. I thought that people would always want to scare, hurt, make me suffer. I felt that this world is filled with evil people 」
「 After meeting Minaho-oneechan, I thought that they’re my allies. That they’re people, who suffered just as much as I did. Therefore, we get close together and fight off scary people. I thought that everyone else is an enemy 」
「 I see 」
「 Yeah. That’s why I was happy that the family increased in numbers. My allies increased. But, I only trust Kei-chan and Margo-oneechan. In the end, I’m still scared. I thought that even my family may betray me suddenly 」
「 I see 」
「 That’s right. With that said, I don’t want to betray my little sisters. I don’t want to be betrayed, and so I don’t betray. And since I’m scared of the people in the world, thinking that they’re all scary and horrible people, I wanted to protect my little sisters. Not letting any horrible people lay hands on them 」
「 Therefore, you wanted to become the “ideal big sister” right away 」
「 I think so 」
Nei stretches her hand and reaches for the robot toy.
「 But, this toy told me… Most people don’t think of harming me. The basis of this world is kindness, not evil 」
She pats the head of the robot with her fingers.
「 I see. You’re right 」
I pushed the stomach part of the robot.
「 I don’t think that the world is that cruel 」
「 That’s right, Kei-chan 」
「 Onee-chan 」
Our lips piled again.
「 I… 」
「 What? 」
「 I actually don’t get what’s the “number one” for me 」
「 What’s this about? 」
Nei looked up at me blankly.
「 I think that my past has an influence on me. Just like everyone else 」
I must notice it myself.
「 In the end, I don’t get what a family means 」
「 Kei-chan 」
「 I don’t know what to feel about my Father, nor I could understand Mother. Why was I born? What was the purpose of my birth? I lived in that state where I don’t understand anything. What’s fun? Why was I born in that stupid family? 」
I never had a conversation with my family.
Why are these people gathered here to call themselves a family?
「 Back then, I don’t know much about other families, and so I thought that my situation is something I can’t do anything about, but… 」
I’ve discovered so many families now.
A family with members that came from various households.
「 My mother’s out of the question, and I know that my father’s a useless man, but now… 」
「 What’s wrong? 」
「 Nothing, it’s just that Grandma, I thought that she’s the only one who loved me, that she’s an ally, but… 」
「 I think it’s wrong. Grandma’s never a decent person as she tries to meet Mother’s absurd orders, even in that irredeemable household 」
Grandma’s son, my Father, He’s working on Mother’s Father’s company, and he couldn’t raise his head against them.
「 To think that they’ve accepted that kind of slave-like life, living in the kitchen and nowhere else is just absurd. 」
Grandma’s lived that kind of life with me.
She didn’t teach me that this kind of life is strange.
She’s always displeased, and she hardly smiled.
「 No, I still like Grandma, and I’m thankful to her. I won’t forget my gratitude to her, But 」
Did Grandma really love me?
「 Grandma may have hated me. She might’ve thought of me as troublesome 」
「 I don’t think so 」
Nei says, but…
「 In the end, I don’t know. What does it mean to be a family? I hardly know about loving family or the family loving me 」
Because I don’t have the experience.
「 Therefore, that’s what I’m most scared of. I don’t understand families. Therefore, I just accept everything and go along with it. With everyone 」
That’s the reason why I…
「 I’m a hollow person 」
「 It didn’t go well for me. Trying to become everyone’s big sister. 」